We all deserve love but we do not all have the confidence and strength to demand healthy love. A lot of excuses are made in the name of love and this is what I call ‘unhealthy love’. Love itself doesn’t have motive, therefor it can’t be an excuse or in itself cause harm. We only pretend it is so, to avoid harder truths. If you have ever used love as an excuse for your behavior, or in toleration of a behavior, you are not being honest with yourself about what love really is. Many things that we do “in the name of love” are not truly to fulfill our heart’s desires; they merely feed us empty promises to temporarily curb the craving to not be alone.
I know someone who spent many years in a relationship with someone who was an addict. She would leave them when they fell off the wagon, then return when they begged for her back and made promises that they would change and do better. She would reason, “I can’t help who I love”, and return. You see, she reasoned that because she loved this person, it was ok to stay in an unhealthy relationship, rather than facing the hard truth that regardless of the feeling of love, the relationship was not healthy. She had not gained the understanding of healthy love and lacked the confidence to demand it, regardless of the outcome.
If we don’t know the difference, or don’t believe it is possible, we decide to stay in unhealthy relationships because the desire to not be alone outweighs the desire to be honored by our partner. This does not have to be so. We are all capable and deserving of healthy love and relationships. We only need the confidence to demand it of ourselves and our partner. If they are not willing to honor your demand, then they are not a healthy fit.
Over the last few years, my friend has learned to love herself in a way she never had. She tended to her own needs and didn’t allow the desire for love to compromise how she needed to be loved. My heart sings with joy to see her now, in a healthy relationship with a someone who loves her in the way she needs to be loved. It took patience and self reflection because it wasn’t that she never deserved this love, it was that she did not have the confidence to demand it before.
My message to you: love yourself enough to know the worth of healthy love and demand it. I know this is not easy to hear for some. To admit that you are not receiving the love you desire and to take the responsibility to demand it, is admitting fault in having settled in the past. This is a good thing though! By acknowledging the lack of healthy love, you open yourself up to the opportunity to receive it. Have the confidence to know you are worthy of all the greatness you desire.
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