Hi there! Beautiful day we’re having, don’t ya think?!
Today, I want to talk about something we all do that I call, ‘qualify the future’. Meaning, we give our happiness to the future because it qualifies for it by containing a certain specification that doesn’t currently apply. This is very similar to the “if only” habit. Ex: If only, you had more money… If only, your partner would help out around the house… If only, your boss would recognize your strengths… Qualifying the future and “if only” aren’t exactly the same but they are rooted in the same habit; making happiness an unobtainable idea in the present. I think you know what I’m talking about and it needs to stop!
With that said, I have two points I want to make.
First; If you continue to give your happiness to the future by qualifying it with something that you are not actively pursuing or trying to change, you will NEVER be happy. Happiness is in the pursuit and fulfillment of goals. So, desire is not enough. If you find yourself thinking about how you wish things were but haven’t tried anything new, I recommend you shake things up. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Don’t be afraid to be uncomfortable because, being unhappy, you already are uncomfortable.
Which brings me to my second point, it doesn’t what matter external differences are made, if you frequently qualify the future, chances are your really unhappy within yourself. A huge sign of this, is the desire to run-away or start over. This overwhelming desire creeps up when we are so unsettled within ourselves that we feel our entire environment needs to change. But no matter where you go, there you’ll be. And if you can’t find happiness “here”, you’re going to be hard pressed to find happiness anywhere.
I have to remind myself of these two points everyday. It’s so much easier to dream of changing your surroundings than it is to recognize what we want to change in ourselves. I love the idea of being able to runaway anytime I’m uncomfortable but it isn’t realistic to the kind of person I want to be. I want to be able to be uncomfortable with gratitude and recognition that I’m being given an opportunity to truly change and grow.
The take away here is, Qualify the NOW. Recognize what you have that you want. Then, make a plan and take the steps to change what you don’t want.
If this is a topic you want to dig into and improve on, reach out to me. It won’t cost you anything to find out how Introspective Interactions can help you.
Find out more about my coaching methods at IntrospectiveInteractions.com
or email me at christian@IntrospectiveInteractions.